Industry

“But you’re beautiful,” she says. “Why are you alone in a bar on a weekday?”

The restaurant industry, I wanted to say. But settled on the classic. “Men suck.”

“Oh don’t I know it!” She said. “We were just about to sign a lease when he broke up with me. We’d been dating for a year. That’s why I’m here.”

“That’s crazy,” I said, seeing my cue to leave. My Guinness was empty, AKA time for me to walk the 15 yards back?

Why did I feel a need to stop at an Irish dive bar on my way homec?

This past weekend I got about 8 total hours of

sleep, got something stolen from me, and threats that I would be soon fired if I didn’t up my game.

It’s a lot, as a part time counselor.

Is it even worth it? I wonder. But not making good money sucks. As does not trying my all at something that promises money.

I haven’t yet made a post about the restaurant industry, cause’ I haven’t wanted to mess up my income.

But it’s time. I’ve been bullied to the depths of an adolescent. And it’s only been two weeks.

I’ve questioned everything about my capabilities as a human to take to new environments, to fit in.

When someone tells you in the bathroom to up your game or you’ll be fired, it does change one’s perspective.

Restaurants are a social arena.

I’ve learned over the years that if someone above me makes a mistake, but I was the last person seeing through their instructions, the blame will go to me. I’ve learned that if I’m too social, as a newbie, I’ll be outcast. But that will also happen if I’m not social enough.

Phew. In the words of Olivia Rodrigo, it’s brutal out there. The restaurant industry is open for anyone, but not everyone can make it.

At the new restaurant job I have, I didn’t reveal my age on purpose, only to be told that they don’t train “kids” here.

I hate feeling unwanted. But to me, that is the restaurant life. You get a second family. But you’re always questioning your worth. The person they’ll replace you with.

God I’m supposed to sum this up with some silver lining or something, right?

Unfortunately I don’t have it. This life is what we make it.

And, not gonna lie, the threat of being fired fuels me. That’s what brings out my A game, when I understand I have nothing to lose.

This is the approach I now take to everything. I live for myself. I love myself. I spent all of Valentine’s Day breaking my back for the couples out there. But I can take home a hefty paycheck out of that (and laryngitis).

Restaurants are so fickle. It’s funny. If they fire you, they’ll probably do it passively. But that’s what makes me paranoid. How will I know if they do? Will I just check my phone and see my shifts disappear?

At the end of the day all I can be is myself. If someone talks behind my back, accuses me of something that wasn’t my fault or gets mad at me for not knowing something I wasn’t trained for, I must carry on.

I don’t have a picket fence. I have to put myself out there. To make money, to create new identities.

I don’t have a point other than to say, if you’re putting a lot of marbles into something, and they’re playing you like a stringed instrument, you’re okay. This is part of life, sometimes. When you go against the grain, you attract things that are against the grain.

All we can be is ourselves. Once we showcase the best version, it’s out of our hands who likes us, who has our back.

But to me, knowing my allies is everything.

not recent- I only do this at home now :)